Monday, September 19, 2005

Still Thinking

I never wrote about what happened yesterday or what fueled my previous entry. Yesterday, Noelle and I went to Busch Gardens. We decided that it might be a good idea to walk the 5 miles there because gas is high and it's right across the street from USF. Nothing much was said on the way there but on the way back it was different. We were both tired and we wanted something to talk about to make the walk seem shorter. So we dabbled on a few topics and then we started talking about why I wanted to go to Arcadia, my hometown, this Friday to watch my old marching band perform. The reason I said I wanted to go is because I wanted to talk to my old band director about some things. She asked what about and so I began to talk about how I really wanted to take lessons and that I needed them if I ever wanted to become skilled on my band instrument, trombone. However, you can't get instruction at USF unless you are enrolled in the School of Music. As it is currently I am in the Arts and Sciences and am on Music probation. I can use the practice rooms but I can't fully work on my major until I audition again. The next audition is in January, but I have no idea what I should pick to showcase the trombone. The last time I auditioned I auditioned on two things, voice and trombone. The voice went fine. I got a scholarship and everything but the trombone didn't go as well, so they decided that overall I should get probationary status because I listed trombone as my primary instrument. I think that maybe I should audition in January on voice only as a music education major and get in that way. In some ways though I feel as though I failed because I used to practice a lot on the trombone and very little on voice and it made no difference. I was in the piano room the other day and I was playing some and thought to myself that I missed playing the piano like I used to. I used to go to school at 6 in the morning sometimes to be able to practice my silly little method books on the school piano. After that I would usually sit under the piano and press keys over and over again just listening to the vibrations until the stopped. Music is the only thing that has kept me alive over my lifespan and many times when I was younger and in bad situations music is what helped me through because it was calming and it made sense. In all the choas and depression and frustration that the world has to offer music is what makes that worth dealing with. I even wrote in my diary on the day that I bought my piano. My dad wouldn't buy me one because he said that I was going to give it up, so I bought one on my own and still today it is the one possession I value most. I took my presidential academic award that I got in grade school out of its frame and put in my participation award from my first piano recitial for which I played "Baby Skunk, and "Old Woman" playing the first piece in the wrong octave and in the wrong key. I've never been so happy then I was when Michelle McIntire, my ex-piano teacher and now friend said "good job." Music is my logic, my tranquility, my life and science is my "destiny."


Blogger Michelle said...

Well... what are you waiting for? A sign? Your discontent is the only one you're likely to get.

Singing, piano, trombone... pick one. It doesn't matter. Piano seems to be the one calling you, tho... What matters is that you focus on one because IT calls you, not because of Dave M Dave S or yours truly.

Don't worry about making your teachers proud. We are already proud. To thine own self be true.

11:39 AM  

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